In today’s blog post, I had the pleasure of speaking with Tyler Drouet, a parenting coach and consultant at Simplify Counseling + Coaching. Tyler, a wife and mother of three, works with parents across the country to help them navigate the many challenges of raising children. She brings a wealth of knowledge and compassion to her work, and I was eager to hear her insights on effective parenting.
Deanna: How do you define your role as a parenting coach? What drives you in this work?
Tyler: My role is definitely multi-faceted depending on what a client needs: sometimes it’s to help target a specific concern for either the client or their child. Other times, it’s to be a general support and counsel through the various ups and downs (and sideways!) of parenting.
No matter the circumstances, I would say that my role includes giving encouragement, providing research-backed solutions, and helping to identify patterns and motivations in behavior to better target effective solutions. With the wealth of parenting advice out there, a key role I have is staying abreast of research and approaches so that I can help clients discern what is right for them and their children. Just like there is no one-size-fits-all approach to diet or exercise, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Factors like personality, concern, family values, and so much more all play a role in finding the approach that feels right and works best for an individual family.
The excitement parents have and the benefits the entire family receives when we find the right fit for their families is definitely what drives me. I absolutely love my job and am beyond blessed to have the best clients. It’s a delight to see their happiness when they see progress from making small tweaks and adjustments.
Deanna: What is the most common mistake you see parents make regarding undesirable behavior?
Tyler: In broad strokes, the most common mistake I often see with parents involves both overestimating how much control we have at the same time as underestimating the role we play in various parenting situations. By this, I mean that it is easy to operate as though we have the ability to completely control any other person, including our children. The result of being met with this reality is often frustration and even anger on both the parent and child side of the equation. Recognizing what we can control, what we can influence, and what we can’t control can make a huge difference for everyone.
At the same time, we can often underestimate the role we play in tough situations with our kids. It’s easy to blame our children for the entirety of a problem without looking at the role, however small it may be, that we are playing. Oftentimes altering even one piece in the relational cycle between parent and child can make a bigger difference than we realize.
Deanna: What can parents do if their child is experiencing a meltdown or emotional dys-regulation?
Tyler: The first and most important thing that parents can do in the midst of a meltdown is to find a way to keep themselves calm. Though this sounds simple, it certainly doesn’t mean that it is easy. A lot of the work I do with clients (and myself!) is figuring out ways to stay regulated in the midst of a child’s dysregulation.
When we are able to stay calm ourselves, it helps keep our children from feeding off our dysregulation and allows us to use the tools and strategies to help our kids calm back down. From there, we are able to employ a variety of different strategies to help our kids calm back down. I often work with clients to identify and implement the custom solutions that work best for their children because solutions can vary from child to child, even within the same family.
Deanna: The Mindset Tapestry is a brand focused on the mental wellness of children and their self-image. Do you believe parenting styles directly influence self-esteem long-term?
Tyler: Yes, parenting styles impact self-esteem, BUT the good news is we can have positive impacts in far more ways than it may seem. It can sometimes seem like there is one very specific “correct” formula to raising happy, healthy kids with positive self-esteem, but many different styles and approaches to parenting can result in well-adjusted kids. Think of the path to helping kids as a wide, grassy field as opposed to a narrow tightrope. Expect some stumbles and missteps, but rest assured that even the mistakes can be part of the tapestry to raising kids who feel confident and loved.
Deanna: What is your biggest tip for parents today who want to raise their kids “gently” while still ensuring they listen and are respectful?
Tyler: In some ways, this question captures my entire philosophy on parenting, so I love it! My approach can best be explained as practical and grace-filled, therefore approaches that prioritize kids’ emotional health while still helping them with growth and behavior is paramount to me.
My biggest tip for achieving these two goals simultaneously is looking at the function of the behavior. Because the behavior is usually front and center, it can be all too easy to “spot treat” the behavior, but this can lead to a whack-a-mole type result where we may be able to temporarily curtail a behavior, but it usually pops up again in a slightly different way. By looking at the motivation behind the behavior, we can both consider the child’s needs and feelings in the situation and more effectively target the behavior.
Thank you, Tyler, for sharing your insights and expertise on parenting! If you’re interested in learning more about Tyler’s work or connecting with her, you can reach out via email at tyler@simplifyatlanta.com, on Instagram at @simplify_parenting, or through the Simplify website at www.simplifyatlanta.com. Feel free to reach out with any questions!